Day: December 28, 2017

mythsandmonsters:

“I didn’t exactly help, did I? You wouldn’t have needed to leave in the first place if I’d just kept my mouth shut.”

He’d been over it in his mind too many times to count, feeling stupid for what he’d done even though it really only boiled down to bad timing in a moment of panic.

“You didn’t know who he was or that it would set me off that badly,” she countered, refusing to let him blame himself for her being a disaster of a person. 

Eva sighed and shook her head. “I would have come back. Maybe not for a few days to a week, but I would have come back…”

mythsandmonsters:

Maddy hadn’t told him that she’d caught up to Eva and threatened her, but then again, Gabe had already bolted for New York by the time that happened, so there was a lot that hadn’t been talked about. Still, it wasn’t much of a surprise. Gabriel knew that his mom was protective over her babies. Hell, he was barely in junior high when Maddy had threatened Leon if he didn’t go track down Torrie and bring her home after she ran away.

“I didn’t stick around long enough to find out about that even if you had come back.” He admitted quietly, a guilty look of his own clouding his eyes.

“She made it very clear I’m to stay away from you,” she mumbled, glancing down at her feet. The idea of never seeing him again had definitely not helped her fragile state at the time and had contributed to Lucifer needing to actually go looking for her.

She took a step forward before stopping herself. “Your mom’s actions weren’t your fault. Nothing that happened was your fault. It was mine.”

mythsandmonsters:

He’d waited so long to hear her even remotely validate that she still cared. Maybe even too long for it to have counted when he needed it most, but it was better late than never, even if it actually hurt to hear it now.

“I don’t-“ he faltered, trying not to start crying too even though it was obvious he was fighting it hard.

“I don’t hate you. I just hated that you let someone else make you believe you were worthless when I was there the whole time telling you what you meant to me and you ignored me.”

“I know you were and I tried to listen at first, I really did, but I was hurting so much that it was easy to convince myself that would change your mind too. I was a complete fucking idiot and I fucked everything up.”

She shook her head and wiped at her face, trying to calm herself back down. 

“I was going to come back. I was going to go home and hide in my room for a few days and then I was going to make Chayton bring me back so stalkers thought I was still at the bar because my car was there. But your mom followed me and threatened me. I only got about halfway home before stopping. My dad had to track me down.”

mythsandmonsters:

He remembered when the photo was taken. It was from a few years ago, before she’d really started slipping away, and seeing it again just reminded him of everything he felt like he’d lost since then.

“You made me feel like I didn’t matter!” He answered, trying not to sound angry. He knew losing his temper again would kill any chance of her trying to rebuild their bridges, but he was having trouble stopping himself from lashing out just to show her how it felt.

The tears finally began to spill over and she nodded, knowing he had every right to be pissed and hurt. She deserved his anger.

“I don’t know what to say because sorry doesn’t feel like nearly enough. I didn’t think I was worth anything and I pushed at you the hardest because you were the biggest reminder of everything before. And when you looked at me and argued me, I was afraid to believe you and I panicked and I was shitty to you and when I’d get myself calmed back down enough to realize it, I’d just spiral out in guilt and I convinced myself you would be better off without me in your life and I am so fucking sorry and I wouldn’t blame you if me hated me forever because I hate me for everything I put you through. 

“You were the best person in my life and I am so sorry it’s taken me this long to say it.”

mythsandmonsters:

“I know you are, but for how long? How long until the next time you push me away again and I have to watch you go running into the arms of whatever guy happens to show up at the bar that week? How long before you let my calls go to voicemail or leave my text messages unanswered for days on end?”

He didn’t mention how many times he’d gotten wasted and spent the night lying on Ben’s floor, pouring his heart out until he had nothing left inside, or that he’d deleted her number, or how many times he’d thought about removing every trace of her from his life and how the only thing that stopped him was that even after everything, he still couldn’t completely let go.

“All I can tell you is that I’m working on it. Twice a month with Ben. I don’t know if it’s working, if it’s going to work overall or what. I wish I had those answers, Gabe,” she answered honestly, her voice cracking about halfway through. 

She bit at her lower lip, trying to find the right thing to say but coming up short. Instead, she pulled out her phone and unlocked it before handing it to him. The background was an older picture of the two of them, it had been her background since the day it was taken. “I never stopped caring. I just forgot how to express it or be a good friend.”

mythsandmonsters:

“You never do.” He muttered, his breath shuddering as he sighed.

He didn’t mean for it to sound like an accusation of any kind, but he’d exhausted himself trying to move on and he was never good at being diplomatic when put on the spot.

“I know you never meant to do anything you did, but it doesn’t change the fact that that’s what happened.”

She winced and closed her eyes, trying to force back the sting of tears and keep them from falling.

“I know and I know there’s nothing I can do or say to change that or fix it. I really, really am sorry.”

mythsandmonsters:

Even if she’d given him a chance to get a word in first, he wasn’t sure he could find any. He’d spent the last few months forcing himself to get over her, so to see her suddenly in the street like that was enough of a shock to render him silent as old wounds reopened and the emotions he’d fought to push down resurfaced.

“Okay.” Was all he managed to murmur, meaning that he was glad that she was trying to work on her problems, but his voice sounded small and fragile, breaking almost as he spoke.

It pained her to know he was still hurting and she had no idea what to do. She was having a hard time trying to fix herself and she knew she was pretty much useless in trying to fix anyone else. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Gabe. That was the absolute last thing I ever wanted to do.” Her lower lip was trembling, eyes already glossy with tears. Her body was stiff, almost like she was ready to run, but she forced herself to stand still, to face him like he deserved.

@mythsandmonsters

It had been weeks, a couple of months really, since Eva had seen him last. Honestly, she hadn’t been looking for him, not yet. She had been trying to sort through her own chaos, trying to find her way back to, well, herself. She hadn’t expected him to be in New York still.

“I didn’t know you were still in New York,” she started, holding up a hand before he could say anything. “I’m sorry I’m a shitty friend, Gabe, really, I am. But I’m working on it. Mom and dad have me doing therapy. I…I don’t have an excuse for not reaching out sooner, but I wanted.. I wanted to be working on things, to actually be trying before I came to see you because you deserve better from me. From anyone. And…I’m sorry.”