“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he mumbled, feeling all the more stupid that the whole thing had been a huge misunderstanding and he’d spent weeks in the worst emotional pain he’d ever been in because of it.
“I just wanted to protect you.”
She swallowed hard and tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “I know but… You can’t protect me from myself,” she answered softly, hating admitting it out loud.
“I panicked.”
Gabriel never liked admitting any sort of weakness or vulnerability, and in the heat of the moment, he’d taken the whole thing as evidence she really didn’t want him around anymore, especially after he’d been dumb enough to think kissing her was a good idea.
“I did too.”
It was a little startling to know that her dad had been right. But it also made it easier to accept some of the other things he had told her. Outside of her dad and Ben, this was probably the longest she had actually spoken to anyone in over a month.
“Oh, it’s safe. The welcome might not be the warmest at such short notice but it’s about the safest damn place I know of without too many questions asked,” he explained with a nod, knowing that they wouldn’t be turned away regardless of whether Ava was happy about it.
“I don’t want to trouble anyone with this,” he mumbled, kicking at a loose chunk of pavement. He didn’t like the idea of them not being the most welcome, but he understood. Ghouls were damn nasty overall and Kay wasn’t really much different.
Sorta want to do all the things. Sorta want to sleep for like 11 hours.
Ugh
“I didn’t exactly help, did I? You wouldn’t have needed to leave in the first place if I’d just kept my mouth shut.”
He’d been over it in his mind too many times to count, feeling stupid for what he’d done even though it really only boiled down to bad timing in a moment of panic.
“You didn’t know who he was or that it would set me off that badly,” she countered, refusing to let him blame himself for her being a disaster of a person.
Eva sighed and shook her head. “I would have come back. Maybe not for a few days to a week, but I would have come back…”
“Maxie’s been casually setting things on fire since he was barely out of diapers, so he’s got a pretty good handle of it these days. Dominic is definitely the more unpredicatable one of the two, but he’s been through a rough trot so nobody can really blame him for that.”
Charlie’s expression looked a little sad as he recounted the memory behind his comment, but he didn’t elaborate for now, hardly wantng to get into the reasons why he and his siblings had been moving around the country for the last few years.
“That sounds like a terrifying babysitting detail. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with a toddler that could set things on fire,” she laughed, shaking her head a little. The smile faded as he continued though and she reached out, hesitating before touching the top of his hand.
“I’m sorry things are rough for your family. I-I can’t imagine.”
Maddy hadn’t told him that she’d caught up to Eva and threatened her, but then again, Gabe had already bolted for New York by the time that happened, so there was a lot that hadn’t been talked about. Still, it wasn’t much of a surprise. Gabriel knew that his mom was protective over her babies. Hell, he was barely in junior high when Maddy had threatened Leon if he didn’t go track down Torrie and bring her home after she ran away.
“I didn’t stick around long enough to find out about that even if you had come back.” He admitted quietly, a guilty look of his own clouding his eyes.
“She made it very clear I’m to stay away from you,” she mumbled, glancing down at her feet. The idea of never seeing him again had definitely not helped her fragile state at the time and had contributed to Lucifer needing to actually go looking for her.
She took a step forward before stopping herself. “Your mom’s actions weren’t your fault. Nothing that happened was your fault. It was mine.”
He’d waited so long to hear her even remotely validate that she still cared. Maybe even too long for it to have counted when he needed it most, but it was better late than never, even if it actually hurt to hear it now.
“I don’t-“ he faltered, trying not to start crying too even though it was obvious he was fighting it hard.
“I don’t hate you. I just hated that you let someone else make you believe you were worthless when I was there the whole time telling you what you meant to me and you ignored me.”
“I know you were and I tried to listen at first, I really did, but I was hurting so much that it was easy to convince myself that would change your mind too. I was a complete fucking idiot and I fucked everything up.”
She shook her head and wiped at her face, trying to calm herself back down.
“I was going to come back. I was going to go home and hide in my room for a few days and then I was going to make Chayton bring me back so stalkers thought I was still at the bar because my car was there. But your mom followed me and threatened me. I only got about halfway home before stopping. My dad had to track me down.”
He remembered when the photo was taken. It was from a few years ago, before she’d really started slipping away, and seeing it again just reminded him of everything he felt like he’d lost since then.
“You made me feel like I didn’t matter!” He answered, trying not to sound angry. He knew losing his temper again would kill any chance of her trying to rebuild their bridges, but he was having trouble stopping himself from lashing out just to show her how it felt.
The tears finally began to spill over and she nodded, knowing he had every right to be pissed and hurt. She deserved his anger.
“I don’t know what to say because sorry doesn’t feel like nearly enough. I didn’t think I was worth anything and I pushed at you the hardest because you were the biggest reminder of everything before. And when you looked at me and argued me, I was afraid to believe you and I panicked and I was shitty to you and when I’d get myself calmed back down enough to realize it, I’d just spiral out in guilt and I convinced myself you would be better off without me in your life and I am so fucking sorry and I wouldn’t blame you if me hated me forever because I hate me for everything I put you through.
“You were the best person in my life and I am so sorry it’s taken me this long to say it.”
